Newswise --- At the time of death, every life should be celebrated.
That is the conviction driving a growing trend--the use of trained celebrants to plan and conduct personalized funeral and memorial services, especially when the deceased was not religious or had no relationship with a local minister.
"I know my work is really important. Families do want the life celebrated," said Linda Haddon, a Celebrant© who leads approximately four services per week, working with eight funeral homes around Portland, Ore., and Vancouver, Wash.
Haddon and five other certified Celebrants described their experiences in learning about the deceased and working with the family to plan and conduct a service that captures the essence of the life being celebrated. The use of celebrants is common in Australia and New Zealand where church attendance rates are low and cremation rates, high. Doug Manning, a former Baptist minister who now heads In-Sight Institute, a division of In-Sight Books, in Oklahoma City, has introduced the concept in the U.S. and Canada by offering three-day training sessions and a certification process. To date, more than 500 Celebrants have been certified. The largest number of trained Celebrants in North America practice in the Pacific Northwest.
Celebrants come from diverse business backgrounds. What they have in common is a love for people, an intuitive ability to listen, skill in recording and telling life stories and a commitment to making each service unique.
After 22 years in the death care industry, including a stint with the largest casket manufacturer, Haddon decided she wanted more personal contact with people and elected to make being a celebrant "my life's work." She had completed the training in 1999 but just "dabbled in it" for two years.
Only about 20 percent of the population in her area attends church, and she witnessed families with no church relationship falling through the cracks when someone died. Not knowing how to go about planning a service they opted for what she termed "box and burn," cremation and no service.
"It is my goal that everyone in the room knows the deceased person better at the end of the service," said Haddon, who also heads the Care Foundation, a non-profit involved in educational programs for people working in death care.
Haddon has led services in difficult circumstances, including suicides.
"In a suicide situation, what I tell the audience is we're here to celebrate the whole life. Let us stay focused on all the things they did throughout their life."
Bob Huskey, who has conducted 170 services since completing training in November 2001, owns a convenience store and a car wash in Hood River, Ore. Before that, he worked 18 years for the telephone company.
"I can describe myself as an individual with a big heart," Huskey said. "I get a lot of satisfaction from making people happy."
When Huskey receives a call from Anderson Tribute Center, the funeral home he works with, he immediately contacts the family to set up a meeting, preferably at their home. He finds them "sometimes shocked that I don't want them to come to the funeral home."
He arranges a time "when I can get the most family members. I make it a habit never to wear my watch."
In a session that may last from one to four hours, Huskey uses a questionnaire adapted from Manning's training to learn about the past of the deceased, important things the person stood for and names of good friends to contact.
"We tell stories and reminisce. I call it a heck of a therapy session," he said. Huskey and other Celebrants also talk with the family about music, items for a memory table, the order and location of the service and the possible use of a ritual such as lighting candles.
Only about 10 percent of families who use Huskey's service have a church affiliation. However, he has occasionally worked with pastors on services and has found their perspectives "blend very well."
Huskey is convinced that some families, especially those with no religious background, would choose to have no service if the Celebrant option were not available.
"They love it when we say we're going to celebrate what was important to this person. People are not bored with a celebration of life."
Bud Strawn, a retiree in St. Petersburg, Fla., completed Celebrant training in January 2004 and has conducted seven services to date through Anderson-McQueen Funeral Home.
Strawn also has prepared two eulogies at the request of family members of persons with terminal illnesses. After working closely with a wife on her husband's service, Strawn read the eulogy to her. She then shared it with her husband who termed Strawn's efforts "a winner."
The man will be cremated in Florida, his ashes will be buried in Detroit and someone else will read Strawn's tribute. The wife also hopes to use the University of Michigan fight song at her husband's service.
Strawn begins family meetings with an open-ended request to tell him about the person who has died. While the first few comments may be generalities, he finds the stories soon begin to flow.
His biggest concern is that "I'll mess something up. This is a one-time event for the family."
Bill McQueen, owner of McQueen-Anderson Funeral Home, took three funeral directors and three laypeople with him to Celebrant training which, he noted, "re-energized me professionally."
He plans to send all of his funeral directors to the training to understand the celebrant process and to have six or eight trained laypeople to work with families. While logistics must be the primary focus of funeral directors, he sees the possibility of using them, on occasion, to preside, introduce speakers and keep the service flowing smoothly.
As an example of the interest drawn to the Celebrant concept, McQueen cited a family who had made pre-paid funeral arrangements at another funeral home when they read an article in the St. Petersburg Times about the use of celebrants at McQueen Anderson. That family "moved their arrangements to us," McQueen said.
Bonnie Roddis, who operated veterinary clinics for 30 years and recently started a program of taking animals into a resident center for seniors, has also worked in various capacities with Foster's Funeral Home in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Since attending celebrant training two years ago she has led almost 200 services.
"I see being a Celebrant as a calling," she said.
After obtaining factual information in a family meeting, Roddis moves to a more open-ended approach and may ask someone, "Give me five words to describe your dad" or "What was your mom like on holidays?"
Roddis seeks in family meetings to draw out both positive and negative things about the person to better understand the situation.
With a 37-year-old woman who had died of cancer, Roddis learned she had been an alcoholic but had stopped drinking three years earlier. At her service, "we focused on what a fabulous thing she did when she joined AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and helped others at the same time."
For the service of a five-year-old who had died of an aneurysm, Roddis talked about her gift of organs, enabling others to live.
In a family meeting, a young child told Roddis she liked the fact that her grandmother could take her teeth out. Roddis' use of the story drew smiles.
She spends 7-14 hours on each service -- conducting a family meeting, writing a eulogy, arriving an hour before the service, conducting the service and attending a reception after the service.
"I'm not making a fortune, but I'm making a difference," Roddis said. "I couldn't have done this job when I was 35. There is a wisdom that comes to a woman in her 50s." Norma Wellwood of Vancouver, British Columbia, was apprenticing as a funeral director and embalmer when she learned about the celebrant concept and now works with about eight service providers. "I focus on working with six to eight families a month," Wellwood said. As she hears about the deceased from loved ones, Wellwood relishes learning "about the incredible lifestyles of people. We are living among heroes and we are living among saints." Wellwood likes to help families identify "what might be an appropriate ritual to incorporate into the service." For a young woman who died after one year of marriage, Wellwood used a crystal bowl provided by the mother-in-law and invited guests to silently or verbally offer a blessing or prayer and float a rose petal in the bowl. For a young man who had a sweet tooth, guests were given party bags of his favorite candies. Funeral services conducted by these celebrants have been held in funeral home chapels, backyards, community centers, restaurants, churches, a botanical garden, park, beside the ocean, along a riverbank and on a mountainside. Celebrants described the pressure they feel to make each service unique and the fulfillment they receive from hugs, notes and emails of gratitude. When a Celebrant receives affirmation for capturing the essence of an individual, "it makes you want to do it again," Strawn said. For Roddis, the rewards come in "being honored to speak about these remarkable people. The personal satisfaction is phenomenal." Being a Celebrant "draws on every aspect of my education and my personality," Wellwood said. "Every person whose life we celebrate has lived a life of meaning and value."
RSS