Newswise — When a loved one dies, family and friends want a personalized service that pays tribute to the qualities that made the person special to them.
To meet this need, especially for families who have no church relationship, a growing option is the use of funeral celebrants, laypeople who are trained and certified to meet with families, learn about the deceased person and plan a service that is unique to the person and family.
With at least 50 percent of the population unchurched, four staff members of funeral homes in Delaware, Massachusetts, North Carolina and Minnesota agreed their range of support for families must include help in providing personalized funeral services.
"The expectation is a funeral always involves a church and a clergyman," said Scott Mueller, president of Mueller Mortuary, White Bear, Minn. "Many times a family reluctantly chooses clergy because they didn't know there was another option."
The use of celebrants began in Australia and New Zealand. Doug Manning, a former Baptist minister and president of In-Sight Books of Oklahoma City, has introduced the celebrant concept, training and certification in the U.S. and Canada. Mueller first learned about celebrants in May 2004 when he heard Manning speak to the Minnesota Funeral Directors Association.
"I was absolutely transformed by what he had to say. He had understood where the consumer is and how the funeral homes could get there. The celebrant approach provides the consumer with a more positive experience," Mueller said.
After an article was published in a newspaper about Mueller's availability as a celebrant, he received a contact from two adult children of a man who was near death. Together, they planned a service with four speakers and a video tribute.
Mueller told the children "the success of the service will be measured by the number of times people say to you, 'Wow, that's just the kind of service I'd like to have.'" The children reported they received numerous positive comments of the type Mueller had described.
To meet the needs of each family, Mueller believes celebrants must be willing to consider a range of options from traditional to very nontraditional. His first celebrant service marked the death of a 62-year-old poker-playing buddy.
The family chose to have a service without the body present and to use photos and mementoes of his life. The room was set up with a poker table in the middle and wine was served, giving the occasion the feeling of a reception."People stayed longer and reminisced. It was much more social," Mueller recalled. Jason Benton, funeral director and embalmer at Brunswick Funeral Home in Shallotte, N.C., learned about celebrants after being pressed into duty leading a graveside service. He began leading more services for families with no local minister. After seeing an ad for celebrant training, he and Brunswick owner, Dicky Powell, attended in 2002 in Oklahoma City, and Benton estimates he has led at least 25 services as a celebrant. One of the first families he served had tentatively decided on cremation with no funeral but later decided to use Benton to help them plan a service. "It turned out to be one of the largest memorial services we've had. The only thing they could say was 'thank you,'" Benton said. After learning the favorite song of another deceased person was "O Holy Night," Benton included a reference to the song and, even though the service was held in July, the song was played. At the service for a teenager killed in a car accident, family and friends wrote notes and placed them in helium-filled balloons that were released into the air. When Barry Brown's wife, Patricia, died Nov. 9, 2004, a friend and Brunswick employee introduced him to Benton. "Jason came to my home and spent the better part of two hours finding out about Pat and her life," Brown, of North Myrtle Beach, S.C., recalled. "He was thorough and easy to talk to. When he was finished I felt uplifted. We had people come from out of state and people Pat had worked with. They commented on what a nice service it was." Wendy Story, president of Beers and Story Funeral Homes in Palmer, Belchertown and South Hadley, Mass., is a second-generation funeral director who completed celebrant training in 2003. The other three funeral directors, including Story's husband and daughter, also are certified celebrants. "Even when a family is going to a church for the service, I offer the celebrant option at the end of calling hours," Story said. "If a service is conducted by a minister, we surround the service with celebrant elements" such as acknowledging the importance of a funeral service to family and friends.
Story's celebrant services often include rituals such as a candle ceremony where family members can participate by lighting a candle symbolizing the life of their loved one. As she meets with families choosing the celebrant option, she looks for unique ways to personalize the service. For one, when a woman's body had been cremated and the urn was present, Story learned the woman had loved chocolate. She talked about that during the service before inviting family members to place chocolate kisses around the urn. "People want more than just the options of the past," Story said. However, she warned against assuming what a family wants. "Funeral directors need to look at their families and determine how best to meet their changing needs." Ralph Plumley of Wilmington, Del., has been bereavement coordinator for Doherty Funeral Homes for 13 years. An ordained minister, Plumley completed celebrant training in 2003 and has led more than 20 services. "Most families know when and where they want the service and who they want to perform it, and that's great. If no service is mentioned, the directors offer my services," Plumley said. "Many times they are people of faith but don't want clergy they don't know expounding about their loved one. They want a personalized approach." Plumley prefers meeting with families to talking by phone. As he works with them, he feels he becomes almost their "surrogate minister." After leading a celebrant service for one family, a member asked Plumley if he could perform a wedding. He gladly did so. "Being a celebrant adds a whole new dimension to my relationship with the families," Plumley said. In addition to serving as a celebrant, Plumley's role as bereavement coordinator includes providing discussions for children and teens before visitation and the funeral. He also maintains contact after the funeral. In addition, he visits middle schools, talking with young people about grief and loss. He also distributes a brochure about dealing with grief after the loss of a pet. All four celebrants enthusiastically recommend the training for funeral directors even if they are not going to lead services. "Not every funeral director will feel comfortable writing or delivering the service," Story said. However, "the celebrant training may spark somebody who is feeling flat in their profession." "I encourage any funeral home to look into it and get involved," Benton said. Mueller sees major changes on the horizon for the funeral industry and believes those who fail to master the art of personalizing services may not stay in business. "If they are open to the change coming, they should warmly and immediately embrace the celebrant concept." Plumley said, "The value of celebrant training for me was learning how to personalize the service. It opened my eyes in a lot of ways."
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