FSU STRESS EXPERT GIVES TIPS TO HELP 'CHILL OUT' DURING HOLIDAYS
TALLAHASSEE, Fla.-In light of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and the current war against terrorism, Americans might be feeling even more stressed out than usual this holiday season. Florida State University Associate Professor of Nursing Sally Karioth says people should remember that the holidays have always had the potential to overwhelm, and she offers some advice to alleviate stress, guilt and depression.
"It's normal to be distressed around the holidays," said Karioth, a grief, trauma and stress expert who has been counseling the survivors of the terrorist attack on the Pentagon. "The ideal, happy and stress-free holiday experience is largely a myth."
Stress can induce the "twin emotions" - being mad or sad, according to Karioth. For instance, perfectionists may frustrate themselves because they will demand a greater degree of perfection out of the effort they put into holiday preparations.
And some people might feel compelled to start buying gifts wildly as a release or become so worried about money they don't shop at all. Others might not feel able to shop because the task seems too daunting.
When these feelings arise, Karioth says people should tell themselves that stress is normal and if they feel out-of-sorts, it doesn't mean they're bad or have done something the wrong way. If things become overwhelming, Karioth said, people should feel free to give themselves a timeout or decide not to celebrate and just walk away from the holidays.
"People can choose to do the things they deem most important and not pressure themselves into having to do everything," she said. "If you do walk away from some activity, don't punish yourself for it."
Karioth said that planning is another key to lessening stress. For instance, planning a shopping trip on a Thursday morning when stores are less crowded will be less stressful than noon on a Saturday. And people also should remember that they are allowed to ask for help. If they are feeling overwhelmed, they can ask someone to watch their children or pick something up from a store for them.
It also helps to break down activities into bite-sized pieces. For instance, people don't have to finish writing, addressing and mailing their Christmas cards in one day, but they can spread the steps out over a week.
Karioth also suggests keeping a journal as a way to keep thoughts organized and to decompress.
To lessen guilt that people might feel toward a community that has experienced a loss, she said they might do something symbolic, like volunteering at a shelter, cooking a meal for someone who is alone or for a family in turmoil, or donating to the needy. This type of activity not only makes people feel as though they are contributing something substantial to the community, but it also sets a positive example for children.
People who are grieving over a death should remember that, no matter what they do, they're still going to feel pain and they shouldn't feel like they've let themselves or others down if they can't make that pain go away.
"People need to remember that the person who died would want things to carry on and for their families to have a good time," Karioth said. "They shouldn't feel guilty for having fun.
"If someone in the family is missing for any reason, it's a good time to change up some tradition. Families might consider opening gifts at a different time than they normally would to lessen the feeling that a loved one isn't there. And if the family decides it doesn't like doing something anymore, then that activity should be retired."
Karioth earned her doctorate in post-secondary education from FSU in 1977.
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