Contact: Jina Carvalho
The Glendon Association
805-681-0415/[email protected]
Fear of Intimacy points the way toward achieving more satisfaction for couples in distress
Santa Barbara, CA -- July, 2000 -- In Fear of Intimacy (APA Books) clinical psychologist Robert W. Firestone and co-author Joyce Catlett bring 40 years of clinical experience to bear in challenging our usual ways of thinking about couples and families, and offer some unexpected and convincing reasons to explain why relationships fail. They argue that relationships fail not for the commonly cited reasons, but because individual defenses formed in childhood act as barriers to closeness in adulthood.
Robert Firestone, author of Fantasy Bond and Compassionate Child Rearing states, "The major problem in interpersonal relationships lies in each person's psychological defenses based on destructive thought processes and the distortions each partner introduces into the relationship."
Perhaps the book's most valuable contribution is the detailed description of a new method (Voice Therapy) for uncovering and countering the destructive thoughts that direct each partner's distancing and provoking behaviors. Personal accounts illustrate how this method can be used to help couples who are experiencing distress and conflict.
"Fear of Intimacy is unique because it challenges the myths prevalent in our culture about differences between men and women," says co-author Joyce Catlett. "The popular media and experts on gender differences have focused attention on the subject, yet have failed to note the real issues underlying sexism and destructive stereotyping: the negative thoughts and attitudes learned by children from their parents, peers, and society at large."
Fear of Intimacy provides couples with an in-depth understanding of why they inadvertently select, distort, and provoke each other, despite their desire to have a close, long-lasting relationship with the person they love. Many men and women wonder why they make the same mistakes in relationships and why they select the same qualities in a partner time after time.
The authors emphasize that selection plays a significant role in the success or failure of a relationship and describes the qualities people should look for in a potential partner. Firestone and Catlett identify six basic personal qualities in partners who have harmonious interactions with each other. These people tended to be:
-- nondefensive; did not overreact to negative feedback and were open to new experiences.
-- honest; were nondeceptive and had a strong sense of integrity.
-- respectful of their partner's boundaries, priorities, and goals separate from themselves.
-- physically affectionate and personal in their sexual relating.
-- understanding, empathic, and did not distort their partner.
-- noncontrolling, nonmanipulative, and nonthreatening.
Findings from a pilot research study are also described in the book, which demonstrate a marked improvement in couples who were previously unable to sustain a close, intimate relationship. After a brief intervention with Voice Therapy, these couples reported that their relationships had been transformed and that they gained a totally new perspective on each other and on their relationship. Firestone and Catlett conclude that the key element responsible for positive change, in any relationship, is in each partner's awareness of how their negative thinking has been creating unnecessary conflict and unhappiness.
Author Joyce Catlett and clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone, Ph.D. will be presenting several workshops on " Fear of Intimacy" at the American Psychological Association Convention in Washington, D.C., August 4 to 8, 2000.
To schedule an interview, contact Jina Carvalho 805-681-0415 /[email protected]
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