After a relative or friend has died, the holidays will never be the same. Familiar events during the holidays can renew the pain of loss, even years after the death. Unpacking a favorite ornament, hearing a cherished carol, or using a treasured family menorah can reawaken grief. Bittersweet holiday memories make loved ones more acutely aware of their loss. Watching the carefree exuberance of others can make the pain of grieving and the sense of loneliness even more intense.
New approaches are available to help grieving family members at this time. Experts now suggest grieving people be encouraged to treasure their loved ones even in loss. According to the thought leaders consulted by The Pfizer Journal(r) in this issue, honoring a loved one at the holidays is appropriate. Doing things in memory of the person--setting a place at the table, lighting a candle, or hanging a Christmas stocking for them--are appropriate and comforting to those who remember them. Other cultures have traditions that honor lost loved ones more successfully than ours. In our culture, too often we avoid the subject of death, think that outward displays of grief are improper, and encourage the bereaved to find closure on the loss and move on. These experts recommend that the bereaved be given an opportunity to share stories about how the loved one celebrated the holidays, about their loved one's favorite parts of the holiday festivities, and about their memories of past holiday moments with the deceased.
People often avoid others who are grieving because they feel they do not know what to say, but experts say reaching out is important, even with a phone call or a simple note asking them how they are doing and telling them that they are in your thoughts. Experts suggest that friends of the bereaved continue to listen to their stories as they tell and retell them, and to share their own memories of the person who has died. Silence is the wrong way to deal with grief, the experts say, while talking, listening and embracing those who are grieving are the right ways to be consoling.
Too often today, death is shrouded in secrecy, because people are not often confronted with it, as families were in the past. The experts consulted in The Pfizer Journal(r) recommended that death and loss be brought out into the open. The goal is not to forget loved ones who have died, but to find ways to treasure the loved one and to honor their love.
In addition to advice about grief and bereavement, this issue of The Pfizer Journal(r) (available online at http://www.thepfizerjournal.com/TPJ25.pdf) looked at the end of life from many different perspectives.
End of Life: Then and Now What has changed about death and dying in the 21st century? A better question might be, what hasn't changed? Page 4
At Peace with Dying What is a healthy approach to end of life? How can professionals provide the care that helps people find peace in their final days? Page 13
Dying Well No Matter Where Expertise in controlling symptoms and providing comfort in available, but not always used. The goal now is to help more patients get this care regardless of the setting of the last days of life. Page 19
Bereavement: Getting Through It Not Over It Bereavement will touch every family in some way during their lives. What do health care providers need to know about the agony of loss? New concepts of bereavement may help loved ones adjust. Page 27
About The Pfizer Journal(r)Six times a year, The Pfizer Journal(r) presents facts, opinion, and commentary from a panel of thought leaders on issues concerning health and the future of medical care. With the Journal, Pfizer Inc helps readers gain a deeper understanding of issues related to existing medical treatments, tomorrow's therapies emerging from today's research, and behavioral and environmental issues influencing our health and well-being. The Pfizer Journal(r) provides its readers with a global forum for insights, ideas, and commentary about health care and biomedical research.
NOTE: Please reference The Pfizer Journal(r) as the source of all these items and, if publishing online, please carry a hyperlink to: http://www.thepfizerjournal.com/.
ISSUE DATE: September 2002
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