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Love's Labours Not Lost on Today's Students Self-described "romantics" say it isn't cool, but cards and flowers still rule Even Fido rates a Valentine
(Boston, Mass.) -- Although romance is far from dead on campus, many students believe "it's not cool" or just plain "cheesy" to show your feelings too much these days, according to a recent informal survey of more than 250 Boston University students. And as Valentine's Day approaches, most students agree that it has become too commercialized, some even saying that it has become less romantic than any other day of the year.
"Students today tend to 'group date,'" says Nancy McLaren, assistant director of the Loving Well project at the Boston University School of Education. "Unlike previous eras, today's students tend to be more focused on their studies and future careers than on finding a life partner during their college years. Group situations also reduce the risk of being emotionally hurt."
The "romance is uncool" attitude may be nothing more than teenagers masking their insecurities, McLaren notes. "However, in a group situation these young adults learn the value of close relationships with friends and family as well as romantic partners," she says.
Not surprisingly, students surveyed feel that romance appears to be on the wane among their generation. Nearly half of the men and 65 percent of women respondents believe that students today are less romantic than previous generations. Yet despite this emerging cynicism about their peers, and with perhaps a touch of yearning, almost 90 percent described themselves as romantics.
"I'm encouraged that so many young adults haven't abandoned the idea of romance altogether," says McLaren. "Those romantic feelings and ideals are important ingredients in the evolution of enduring commitments."
This Valentine's Day, 92 percent of the women will send cards to their romantic partners, 63 percent to friends, and half to family members. Two percent will send cards to their pets, with most women sending cards to more than one group. Of the men, 83 percent will send cards to significant others, 23 percent to friends, 15 percent to family members, and two percent to pets.
As for Valentine's Day gifts, the traditional candy, flowers, teddy bears, and jewelry were favored by both groups. Yet a streak of self-expression and creativity ran through the responses, with hand-made cards, personal poems, home-cooked dinners and cookies making honorable mention. "There has been a shift to 'alternative gifts,' such as dinners and trips, for Valentine's Day," notes Frederic Brunel, assistant professor of marketing at the Boston University School of Management. "What I find interesting is that it's become a more participatory event. Traditionally Valentine's Day saw a renewal of courtship rituals: men giving gifts to women. These days, more women are giving gifts and cards to men, and to family members and friends."
Every student had a favorite romantic movie. Among women, "Titanic" surfaced as the clear winner, while among men, "When Harry Met Sally" rated most romantic. "How can you tell a movie's romantic? By what goes on in the balcony," says Leslie Epstein, professor of English and director of the Boston University Creative Writing Program. Epstein is the son of Philip G. Epstein, co-writer of "Casablanca," the second and fourth most romantic movie, respectively, of women and men students surveyed.
While today's popular culture may romanticize casual encounters and highlight the difficulty involved in building long-term loving relationships, McLaren says the effort is decidedly worthwhile. "Being in a romantic relationship gives young adults in this transitional phase of life a chance to learn so much about themselves and what they value in a partner."
-- 30 -- January 30, 1998
The 1998 Boston University Valentine's Day Survey Top Five Lists
The Most Romantic Movie
Female:
1. "Titanic"
2. "Casablanca"
3. "Sleepless in Seattle"
4. "When Harry Met Sally"
5. "Ghost"
Male:
1. "When Harry Met Sally"
2. "Sleepless in Seattle"
3. "Jerry Maguire"
4. "Casablanca"
5. "Say Anything"
The Most Romantic Music
Female
1. "My Heart Will Go On"- Celine Dion
2. "Moonlight Sonata"- Beethoven
3. "Canon"- Johann Pachebel
4. "Wonderful Tonight"- Eric Clapton
5. "Crazy Love"- Van Morrison
Male
1. "In Your Eyes"- Peter Gabriel
2. "Canon"- Johann Pachebel
3. "Moonlight Sonata"-Beethoven
4. "Lady In Red"- Chris Deburgh
5. "Bolero"- Maurice Ravel
The Most Romantic Gift Given
Female
1. Card
2. Flowers
3. Candy
4. Jewelry
5. Homemade cookies
Male
1. Flowers
2. Jewelry
3. Cooked dinner
4. Stuffed animal
5. Candy
The Most Romantic Gift Received
Female
1. Flowers
2. Jewelry
3. Candy
4. Stuffed animal
5. Poem
Male
1. Candy
2. Flowers
3. Cash
4. Jewelry
5. A romantic evening
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