Newswise — Christmas-time used to be simpler for parents. Help the child write a letter to the North Pole, go to the mall to see Santa, buy a couple of gifts when the child is not looking, and leave some cookies and milk by the fireplace.
Being a good parent meant mindlessly enjoying the Santa myth with your child.In the 21st century, however, being a parent at Christmas may mean a sack full of worries. Is Santa just a symbol of crass commercialism and consumerism? Is the jolly old elf an overweight role model for an inappropriate sedentary lifestyle? Are cookies and milk taboo for nutritionally savvy children? Is Santa a stranger who, as such, should not be talked to, let alone allowed to put your child on his lap? Perhaps most worrisome of all, are parents foisting a grand deception on children who inevitably will be disappointed and disillusioned?
According to child psychologist Bruce Henderson, professor in the psychology department at Western Carolina University, children's thinking about Santa Claus and other figures reflects their general level of cognitive development.
"Santa is just one of the many fantasy figures that exist in the preschooler's world," said Henderson. "Adults might just be wasting time by trying to get a child of that age to give up on such a warm and fuzzy character to accept adult realities."
The trouble comes when a child begins to think in a more concrete, rule-governed way and has doubts about Santa's ability to get everywhere on Christmas Eve, or when disbelieving peers start raising questions. Research as far back as the late 19th century suggested that this happens about age 6 or 7, Henderson said.
"Most parents do not worry very much that encouraging the Santa myth is harmful or that eventually spilling the beans will make their children mad at them," he said. "They are torn, however, about what to do when their children directly confront them with their doubts."
So, what should the parent do? Henderson says the "experts" don't agree.
"At one extreme are those who suggest that any kind of deception is wrong. On the other extreme are those who consider most any fantasy to be valuable for stretching the child's imagination," he said. "A good rule of thumb to keep in mind is that children are remarkably resilient in response to hurt and disappointment."
But those parents who are concerned about deceiving their children should probably avoid a lot of Santa mythology from the beginning, he said. If they celebrate Christmas, they may want to emphasize the historical figure of Saint Nicholas or talk with their children about the role of Santa Claus in Christmas tradition, he said.
The issue for parents who wish to encourage their children's fantasy may be more problematic. During the preschool years, parents can enjoy the myth with their children; however, as their children's thinking becomes more concrete, they will have to shift their own thinking to be consistent with the thinking of their children.
"The reality is that children may be more ready to give up the more magical aspects of the Santa myth than their parents are," Henderson said. "The risk is that such parents will lose credibility in the face of their child's concrete thinking and the knowledge they have gained from their peers. This risk is most serious for religious parents who may want to carefully separate the Santa folklore from the historical, religious significance of the Christmas celebration."
As in many aspects of parent-child relations, perhaps the best advice for parents is to let the child provide the cues, Henderson said.
"Forcing an elaborate Santa Claus story on children serves no good purpose for child or parent," he said. "On the other hand, following the child's lead in fantasy play about Santa Claus is likely to do no more harm than imaginative play surrounding Elmo or Mickey Mouse. Parents can respond to direct questions honestly with answers appropriate to their children's developmental levels."
But there is no need to be a Scrooge or turn your child into a Grinch who steals other children's joy, Henderson said.
Western Carolina University is one of the 16 senior institutions of the University of North Carolina system. Western enrolls 9,056 students in undergraduate and graduate programs of study, and is located about 50 miles west of Asheville, N.C., near Great Smoky Mountains National Park.
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