David Finkelhor, director of the Crimes against Children Research Center at the University of New Hampshire, has compiled information about how to talk with children about Michael Jackson. It can be run in its entirety as an op-ed.
What to Tell Your Kids About MJ
"Dad, what did Michael Jackson do?"
Maybe nothing. Maybe something awful. But the allegations against him give us all the opportunity to talk to our children about some important things that are often otherwise difficult to start a conversation about.
The opportunity is particularly valuable because the allegations showcase facts about child sexual abuse that are sometimes glossed over when we have these conversations. Abuse does occur to boys, who make up as many as a quarter of all victims and who may be even less likely to disclose. So we need to talk to boys.
Moreover, abuse generally is committed by people kids know. It sometimes occurs at the hands of adults who are particularly fun, respected, generous and appealing to both kids and their families. So we need to let kids know it could happen with someone they like very much.
Here are some other things to say. According to the prosecutor, Jackson touched the boy's private parts, something grown-ups should never do. Why would someone do that? There are grown-ups who get pleasure from touching kids that way or having kids touch their private parts. If a grown-up should try to do that with you, you should refuse, and tell me about it, even if the grown-up asks you to keep it a secret.
There are some warning signs you can be on the look out for: if the adult wants to spend a lot of time alone with you without other friends or other adults, if the adult touches you in ways that feel uncomfortable or different from other people, if the adult wants you to take off your clothes or sleep in a bed together, if the adult wants to take pictures of you without much on, if the adult gives you beer or wine to drink, if the adult wants to talk about sex a lot or shows you sexual pictures. Even if these things make you feel good, excited or grown-up, it is something you should tell me about.
Does this happen often? No. Would I get into trouble because of it? No, it wouldn't be your fault, because it is the adult's job to follow the rules. Would I be OK afterwards? Yes, most of the time.
The good news is that when kids disclose quickly, parents react sympathetically, and the legal system responds supportively, most kids do fine. The bad news, however, is on display in Santa Maria.
Kids can get caught up in the morass of our legal system and media spotlight in ways that are not conducive to healthy recovery from traumatic events. Legal processes that extend for years, repeated visits with prosecutors and investigators, telling the story to audiences of strangers, and invasive exposure in newspapers and on TV, these do not help children return to the normal world of childhood they need and crave.
So the Michael Jackson trial should inspire us in two ways to protect our children better. It should prompt us to give prevention information to young people. It should strengthen our resolve to build a justice system that is speedier, less invasive and more child-friendly.
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